Assumption

One big reason for misunderstanding is assumption.
Instead of asking questions, we jump to conclusions—and then base our actions on that.

You then face friction, because if I got it wrong, the other person will feel that, and might not be able to explain why I am wrong.

The more they feel the weight of misunderstanding and the weight of not being able to defend themselves, the more they need to release that tension, and you can guess the rest.

"I just wanted the best for them, but they didn't seem open to it".
You can imagine how that lands in their ears, too. Fuel on fire.

Why do we tend to assume?
Because it is easier. We feel friction between what we believe and the actions of others, and instead of attempting to reconcile the two, we assume we are right, and they need to be fixed. Righteous we are, aren't we?

And so we escape that unease and…put it where? It has to go somewhere, right?
We throw it on them! What a relief, now it is their problem!

They then feel the weight, and go: "Why do I have to carry this hot potato?"
And then they throw it back at you, and you say: "I guess they don't like to eat healthy; I gave them a potato, and they threw it back at me!"

We are so excellent at deceiving ourselves before we deceive others.

This phenomenon also manifests in the questions of people with no knowledge, where they assume two concepts are contradictory.
The good ones ask people of knowledge; here they threw that hot potato to someone willing and capable of handling it. Great job!

But some of them resolve it on their own and accuse the deen.

Now the solution: Asking questions.

ألا سألوا حين جهلوا، إنما شفاء العيي السؤال

"Why did you do this? Doesn't it contradict [what I believe]?", and so on.

Two points: Point A is mine, point B is theirs, and we need to work together to connect them and see if we are both correct and just misunderstood each other, or one of us is wrong, or both of us are wrong.

Aha! See, there is a chance of being wrong, and that is one factor in this mess. We subconsciously know there is a risk of looking "inferior", and so we quickly cover that before our conscious mind realizes it.

It's easier on me to claim the moral high ground and dominate them than to risk being below them! Right?

Remember that our Prophet عليه السلام said that shirk is very, very subtle. That's shirk! What do you think about bad manners? Even more so!

”You said subconscious, so I am not responsible for it, right?”

No, you are! Because we trained it to do that, just like we train a muscle.
You can easily train yourself back into shape by thinking about the fact that you could be wrong, and bit by bit you subconsciously give that chance more thought and handle it properly.

Do you see how complex this is, and how many concepts are involved?
That is why we are often advised to be busy with ourselves.

ونعوذ بالله من شرور أنفسنا…

See? Your nafs is not easy, wallāhi, and consuming content that sounds nice is not enough. It's war inside, and our nafs has some top-notch spies that do damage without us realizing it.

I often say I get too tired of people who assume things instead of asking.
I don't like to give a lecture every time someone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm also busy with myself; don't expect me to do the effort of research and teaching for you.
We help each other, yes, but advice here and there, not a full-time job. I already have one!

لا إله إلا الله