Teaching In Harmony With The Fitrah
As parents, teachers, or any adult with a sense of responsibility, we carry the burden of nurturing the next generations and preserving them as they grow.
We want our children to grow upright, stay away from what is harmful, and have an eye for what is beneficial.
This means we implicitly know they are driven by curiosity, and they constantly discover the world around them.
That curiosity is what demands our attention, care, and worry, and so we strive to nurture that curiosity by planting seeds of knowledge, so they can grow upright, and be from those who act from understanding rather than mere imitation.
And that’s where I would like to chime in:
It helps to remember that children are born upon the fitrah (sound nature), naturally attuned to what is right and what is wrong. They sense harmony and dissonance instinctively, but they’re unable to explain it, as they have yet to acquire enough expression skills.
Think of a baby crying out loud if they are hungry. They feel something is off, but crying is their only way of signaling to the world their need for help. Likewise, when something clashes with the nature of children, they can feel something is off, but do not know what that is nor how to express it.
Proof that Allāh made us upon fitrah
Allāh, Exalted is He, said:
فَأَقِمۡ وَجۡهَكَ لِلدِّينِ حَنِيفٗاۚ فِطۡرَتَ ٱللَّهِ ٱلَّتِي فَطَرَ ٱلنَّاسَ عَلَيۡهَاۚ لَا تَبۡدِيلَ لِخَلۡقِ ٱللَّهِۚ ذَٰلِكَ ٱلدِّينُ ٱلۡقَيِّمُ وَلَٰكِنَّ أَكۡثَرَ ٱلنَّاسِ لَا يَعۡلَمُونَ
“So set your face firmly toward the religion as a ḥanīf—the fiṭrah of Allāh upon which He has created mankind. There is no altering the creation of Allāh. That is the upright religion, but most people do not know” [Ar-Rūm: 30].
Al-Imām as-Saʿdī said in his tafsīr:
This command that We have given you is “the fiṭrah of Allāh upon which He has created mankind”. He has placed in their minds its goodness and the repugnance of what contradicts it.
Allāh has placed in the hearts of all creation an inclination toward all the outward and inward rulings of the Sharīʿah. He has placed in their hearts love for the truth and preference for the truth, and this is the reality of the fiṭrah.
Whoever departs from this foundation does so due to an external factor that affects his fiṭrah and corrupts it, as the Prophet, ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam, said: “Every child is born upon the fiṭrah; then his parents make him a Jew, a Christian, or a Magian”.
“There is no altering the creation of Allāh”, meaning, no one can alter Allāh’s creation by making the created being upon other than the disposition Allāh has placed him upon.
Why am I highlighting this for you?
First, feeling uneasy about a concept in Islām is almost always the result of misunderstanding. Whether it was deliberate or accidental, it will clash with the fitrah anyway. And yes, humans can choose to misunderstand when they feel the discomfort of the truth opposing their desires.
Second, this clash does not manifest the same way in all children, some can have the clash quietly boil inside them, and some naturally feel the need to explode it outward into the world.
Do you feel alarmed? Don’t be, because I’m merely pointing at the problem, before offering you the solution.
The solution is to simply educate oneself. Just like a tree may not always appear to be growing in a crooked way, so it is with children.
Teaching them a distorted or deficient understanding will have its consequences. Because even if you do not notice the internal friction it creates, a child will still have a quiet discomfort settling within.
Why does it settle? Because the human body is naturally wired to adapt and re-anchor around the discomfort as a survival strategy, the same way we can get used to awful smells.
In other words:
The default in human beings is accepting the teachings of Islām, and if a child exhibits signs of rebellion or being annoyed, that’s your sign to check which piece of the puzzle is out of place. Fix it, and the rest of the pieces will naturally align, inshāʾ Allāh (if Allāh wills).
How do you find that piece and correct it? Through knowledge, education, practice, sharing, seeking authentic sources. Trace your way back to the Prophet ﷺ and his Companions, may Allāh be pleased with them.
Restraint
Another important principle is restraint. Do not force upon children what Allāh did not make obligatory. Allāh commanded what is required and encouraged what is virtuous, and He is The All-Wise, meaning those distinctions exist for a reason He, Exalted and Glorious, chose. Allāh does not choose for us except with perfect Wisdom.
فَمَن شَهِدَ مِنكُمُ ٱلشَّهۡرَ فَلۡيَصُمۡهُۖ وَمَن كَانَ مَرِيضًا أَوۡ عَلَىٰ سَفَرٖ فَعِدَّةٞ مِّنۡ أَيَّامٍ أُخَرَۗ يُرِيدُ ٱللَّهُ بِكُمُ ٱلۡيُسۡرَ وَلَا يُرِيدُ بِكُمُ ٱلۡعُسۡرَ
“So whoever of you sights the month, he must observe fasts that month, and whoever is ill or on a journey, the same number [of days which one did not observe fasts must be made up] from other days. Allāh intends for you ease, and He does not want to make things difficult for you” [Al-Baqarah: 185].
Allāh encouraged us to do it as a way for us to grow further and get closer to Him and have a better chance and succeeding in this life and the hereafter.
Allāh wants ease for us, and when we impose what is only encouraged, we cross limits that Allāh, out of mercy, did not impose.
When we impose what is not imposed, it becomes a burden, not growth. We manage to realize the opposite of what is intended, and that is to push away the child away instead of bringing him near.
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ “إِنَّ الدِّينَ يُسْرٌ، وَلَنْ يُشَادَّ الدِّينَ أَحَدٌ إِلاَّ غَلَبَهُ، فَسَدِّدُوا وَقَارِبُوا وَأَبْشِرُوا، وَاسْتَعِينُوا بِالْغَدْوَةِ وَالرَّوْحَةِ وَشَىْءٍ مِنَ الدُّلْجَةِ”.
From Abū Hurayra, from the Prophet, ṣallallāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam, who said: “Religion is ease, and no one overburdens himself in religion except that it overwhelms him. So aim straight, draw near, embrace glad tidings, and make use of the morning, the afternoon, and a portion of the night”. Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī (39).
Let the Sharīʿah remain proportionate, as Allāh made it, and the river will flow naturally, and you gain all of that you wish to earn, if Allāh wills.
But I’m Not Perfect!
Of course, this is not a call to perfection. Don’t let that slight unease push you toward thinking this is something difficult. It is not!
I’m not expecting parents to be scholars, nor to never make mistakes. No one reasonable expects that.
It is only human to fall into error, and children can tolerate mistakes when they come with honesty, because they’re not rigid binary systems that glitch at the slightest miscalibration…no! They are very flexible, and I guess if that is true, and they reach the point of showing symptoms, then we need an honest look within ourselves and approach. We clearly let things slide for far too long.
Allāh does not hold us accountable for honest mistakes made while sincerely doing our best.
لا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفۡسًا إِلَّا وُسۡعَهَاۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتۡ وَعَلَيۡهَا مَا ٱكۡتَسَبَتۡۗ رَبَّنَا لَا تُؤَاخِذۡنَآ إِن نَّسِينَآ أَوۡ أَخۡطَأۡنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تَحۡمِلۡ عَلَيۡنَآ إِصۡرٗا كَمَا حَمَلۡتَهُۥ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبۡلِنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تُحَمِّلۡنَا مَا لَا طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِۦۖ وَٱعۡفُ عَنَّا وَٱغۡفِرۡ لَنَا وَٱرۡحَمۡنَآۚ أَنتَ مَوۡلَىٰنَا فَٱنصُرۡنَا عَلَى ٱلۡقَوۡمِ ٱلۡكَٰفِرِينَ
“Allāh burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned. “Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error, our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us; our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us Forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Mawlā (Patron, Supporter and Protector, etc.) and give us victory over the disbelieving people” [Al-Baqarah: 286].
But! Don’t miss that honesty is key here.
Finally, dear parents, moms, dads, teachers: we’re on an icy road. We will slip.
And so, hold fast, aim straight, draw near, and embrace glad tidings.
May Allāh grant us beneficial knowledge, and benefit us through it.
May Allāh grant us barakah in our offspring.