How Am I Handling The Wait?

Most of us have something we keep making duʿāʾ for, something we keep thinking about, or something that always reminds us about its existence, or inexistence. 

Marriage, a job, a child, healing from an illness, getting out of debt…

We want it yesterday, right now! We keep checking here and there and standing on our toes hoping for good news. We read stories of people who got their duʿās answered overnight and we think, "Okay, but when is my turn…?"

Oh…how dare we…how dare we think like that?!

Where is my patience?! I’m such a bad Muslim for wanting this so badly…aren't I?

Well…eh, maybe you are, and maybe you aren't. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter how much you want something. The problem is how you're handling the wait.

Here is the flawed mindset most of us have: we think patience is just sitting around, gritting our teeth, and counting the days until our duʿāʾ finally shows up in our inbox. Like we’re standing at a bus stop, checking our watch, getting annoyed that the bus is late…oh yes, that's how you are…

You can guess that I'm about to tell you: That's not patience. That’s just waiting, and waiting is easy. Even a child can wait when they have no other choice…ok maybe they cry and make a scene until you give up and buy them that toy.

Anyway…

Real patience—the kind Allāh told us about—is active. It's what you do while you're waiting. 

This is the core thing we are missing.

The test is not whether you can wait for the thing. The test is whether you can still obey Allāh while you are burning inside for that thing.

Can you still wake up for Fajr on time when the job offer hasn’t come? Or does my emotional state excuse my sleep? Oh how soft that pillow is, it makes me forget how harsh reality is…

Can you still lower your gaze when the loneliness is eating you alive? Or does checking out just that one person…maybe I know them and I need to greet them! I should stop lying to myself…

Can you still be kind to your parents when you feel like the whole world is moving forward except you? Or does letting out your anger on them feel too sweet? How brave I am!

Can you still say "Alḥamdulillāh" when you can't even stand up or eat properly due to illness? Or is Allāh obligated to give me what I wish for before I utter that expression? Oh…how dare I!

That is the actual battle, and it's a battle that happens in the dark, when nobody is watching. There's no ego to feed, and none of that sweetness of looking heroic and strong to others. "She's so strong, Allāhumma bārik!". Did that feel good? Oops… 

So what do we do with this friction?

First, stop being ashamed that you want it badly, because that's not the problem, that's actually a mercy from Allāh ʿazza wa jall.

The Prophet ﷺ wanted things badly too. He wanted his uncle to accept Islām. He wanted the people of aṭ-Ṭāʾif to listen. 

Desire is not a sin. The sin is when that desire pushes you to disobey Allāh—to complain constantly, to lose hope, to cut corners in your deen, or to question why Allāh isn't giving it to you.

Second, fix your question.

This one: "Why is this taking so long?"

That is the wrong question, because it puts you in a position of judgment over a plan you cannot see.

The right question is: "What does Allāh want me to do right now, in this moment, while I don't have it?"

And the answer is almost always the same: Stay steady, pray on time, guard your tongue from complaining, don't do anything ḥarām just to speed things up. Make your duʿāʾ with humility, not with an attitude of entitlement.

You need to also accept that, you might not get it tomorrow, nor next month, because that is completely out of your hands. The keys to the heavens and the earth don't belong to you. They belong to the One who knows exactly what you need and exactly when you need it.

I mean…who even am I to decide?

I only have my actions, obedience, and that problematic attitude!

So if you're in that place right now…that uncomfortable…tight-chested, why-is-this-taking-so-long place…slow down, take a deep breath, relax your jaw (ok not to that much), and release those shoulders (be careful). 

Don't try to kill your desire, just don’t let it kill your submission. 

Don't feel guilty for wanting it, just feel responsible for how you act while wanting it.

The waiting is not an empty phase, it's doing something to you, breaking your ego, teaching you that you are not in control, forcing you to rely on someone other than yourself.

That is a hard lesson, and it hurts. But! It is the most important one you will ever learn.

So make your duʿāʾ, and cry if you need to, ask with your whole heart, be present, don't do it while you are stuffing yourself with your comfort food… 

Victory is being and staying a good slave of Allāh even when you don't have what you want. The whole point of your existence isssss…tawḥīd.

That is the piece that needs fixing. 

Fix that, and everything else will fall into place when it's truly time.

In shāʾa Allāh, it will be gorgeous, and you might cry…

But even if that doesn't happen, there is al-Jannah waiting for those who work for it, and it's way better than even those happy tears in this life. Remember that.

May Allāh grant you both joys, though.

اللهم آتنا في الدنيا حسنة، وفي الآخرة حسنة، وقنا عذاب النار.

سبحانك اللهم وبحمدك، أشهد أن لا إله إلا أنت، أستغفرك وأتوب إليك.

كتبه أخوكم القداري، هداه الله وإياكم.