🌱 Understanding the Nature of Children

When you understand the nature of children, many things that would normally cause frustration become easier to bear with patience and wisdom.

A young child — from birth to usually around four years old — naturally sees the world as revolving around them, everything belongs to them in their head. They may take things that don’t belong to them or refuse to share, not out of bad intention, rather it's their nature, they haven’t yet developed the concept of ownership or the awareness of others — they'll eventually grow out of it if you teach them well with gentleness.  

So instead of reacting with anger, you respond by teaching them with patience and ḥilm (forbearance). They are not disobeying out of bad intention, but lack of understanding. 

Similarly, younger children are naturally drawn to what they can see and experience more than what they are told.

If, for example, an eight year old child delays prayer or prefers playing games over ḥifẓ, it's not because they hate worship or reject obedience to Allāh, rather, it is because:

The ghayb (unseen) is still abstract to them, while the dunya is immediate and tangible. So they don't want to "miss out" on the fun while praying or memorising.

And this is something even adults struggle with, let alone children. 

So tarbiyah here requires:

• Gradual nurturing of īmān
• Patience over years, not days
• Consistency without harshness

You plant the seed early, but you don’t expect the tree to grow overnight.

This also extends beyond children. 

When you understand people's nature, you begin to deal with them with wisdom, not mere reactions.

• A man who understands emotional fluctuations may show more patience and sympathy instead of taking things personally.

• A woman who understands that anger is a human nature Allāh trialed men with especially may respond with more restraint instead of provocatively.

So you deal with people with their level of understanding — not your own.

With that said, this understanding is an excuse for others, but not a justification for ourselves.

You assume the best of your Muslim brothers and sisters, you excuse them, you show mercy. 

But you also hold yourself accountable, you strive against the blameworthy traits you were tested with, you don’t hide behind “this is just my nature”.

- كتبته أم عبدالرحمن السودانية،
٦ شوال ١٤٧٧هـ

 

This is foundational work, Allāhumma bārik. I use it to prevent AI from being abstract. May Allāh reward the writer.

 I encourage you to read this carefully and understand it and apply it, it should unlock so many thinking pathways and solutions, ان شاء الله.